Modelland by Tyra Banks

I read a lot of amazing books this month that reminded me what a talented writer could say and do with science fiction, and I also read Modelland. A fictional novel that is a tie in to Tyra Bank’s branding empire when it was at its peak (nearly 20 years ago - oh my god am I fucking old). I managed to snag a first edition copy and read it. 

Just my luck, or a sign that this book never ran past its initial first printing?

Another question a more discriminate reader may want to ask themselves is, why is it so easy to find a reasonable priced first edition for resale online? But not me, this is a fucking treasure to be hoarded and never given up.

Right now the youths and cool BookTok(ers) are telling me that beautiful editions with gilded edges are all the rage. While Modelland doesn’t have that, it does entail a creepy close up of a dramatic eye on the book jacket and a packed splattering of insane images pulled from the story as the first and last pages for the book. Tyra Banks has always been one step ahead of commercial aesthetic trends, damn she is good.

As she brings up several times in her acknowledgments, Tyra went to Harvard (or only attended one class or is just name dropping an honorary degree). This story was not going to be the run of the mill celebrity cash grab. Her attempt at writing was to pin down her epic fantasy of her already fantastical life. She asks, what if supermodels were really super?

It is the stuff of nightmares. If you haven’t read it, but do recall the episode they used as an excuse to talk about the book and have a photoshoot as a tie in, and thought “that sounds bonkers”, well that would be a fair assessment. 

At first, I was not even hate reading, I was “what the fuck?” reading. I was compelled to describe scene by scene what was going on to my husband and friends while reading it, and as the horror on their face grew so did my understanding. You know what they say: learn it then teach it, I feel bold enough to claim I am a Modelland expert (you may call me a Dr. AJ Whitaker). 

Even if I did not get to gush about this story with those trapped by my ravings, I think I would have progressed past bewilderment to love. While Tyra would like to take all the credit, and does so, the internet has informed me that a white man was her ghostwriter.  However much work he put into it, it must be commended because he took a fever dream and made it a literary reality. 

This story is about a world called Metopia. It is broken it four dystopian sections and is centered on teenager Tookie De Le Creme, she has no friends and her family is cruel (Tyra must of mentioned how she is into fairy tales) so by the time she was 10 she knew half the world’s languages. Now she knows them all. How is that important, or any of the other weird facts they drop? You will find out by the end of the story because they made sure to fire off Chekov’s gun and expend all their bullets in this story. 

While the entire community searches for one of seven golden smizes that come pouring out of the waterways, so they can have a chance of being discovered and chosen by one of the model scouts on The Day of Discovery, Tookie doesn’t care cause she has her own shit to deal with. With non-stop introduction of story and action, the surprise is that unattractive weirdo Tookie is selected with other unconventional beauties (her group includes short, plus size, and albino ladies). 

What do we have so far: climate disaster, commentary of the predatory nature of the modeling industry, and also a not so subtle way to insult the gathered uglies this book is about…We have made it to the modeling academy.

I haven’t even begin to regal you with the men at the lesser academy, Bestosterone, and that part is amazing. Guys are there to be eye candy and to build the modeling stadium they all compete in. 

The school is a modeling rip off of Hogwarts and Wonderland (the zipper room, the cat walk corridor). Their goal is survive the academy. Their dream is to be one of the seven elite supermodels whose names were clearly stolen from real life models.

This book was suppose to be the first in a trilogy. Tyra Banks also claims it was 1,000 pages and they cut it down in half. Usually I feel like I am Ursula from the Little Mermaid, but with the quality of this book and my enthusiasm as I sing “I want more”, I know who I am…trash hoarding Ariel. This quality pleasure has a place in my heart.